Hi. Thanks for coming.
Listen, I’m starting a new organization. But,
you can’t join. Nothing personal
The By-Laws of the Foundation of One Dollar
ARTICLE I: MISSION STATEMENT
The Foundation shall have no mission statement.
ARTICLE II: MEETINGS
The Foundation shall have no meetings.
ARTICLE III: MEMBERSHIP
The Foundation shall have no members.
ARTICLE IV: OFFICERS
The Foundation shall have a President, who will also serve as
ARTICLE V: ACQUISITION OF ONE DOLLAR
Each year, on January 1, the Foundation shall acquire One (1)
Dollar, to be be held during that calendar year and dispersed on the
following January 1. The One
(1) Dollar will be acquired by the President,
who will ask someone to give the President One (1) Dollar.
The President will employ the following Request for One (1)
"Excuse me. Please give me One (1) Dollar."
ARTICLE VII: DISPERSAL OF FUNDS
Each year, on January 1, the Foundation shall disperse the One (1)
Dollar held during the previous year. No
specification is made or implied in these By-Laws as to an
appropriate recipient of these funds. The President will employ the
following language for Dispersing One (1) Dollar.
"Excuse me. I am now giving you One (1) Dollar."
ARTICLE VIII: LOCATION OF FOUNDATION
The Foundation shall be located in the United States of America.
I recently was browsing in the Border’s bookstore a block or two
from the White House when two women suddenly turned the corner into
the aisle in which I stood leafing through a Chuck Palahniuk novel.
Moving quickly in my direction, one woman said, “Here!
Here’s the man I’d like to drown!”
Startled—terrified actually—I looked up just in time to see the
woman extend her right hand pointing in my direction and then over
my shoulder at a pile of Nicholas Sparks novels.
They moved on down the aisle, oblivious to the emotional trauma I
experienced from the whole misunderstanding.
So, there can be no further confusion, I did not write The
Notebook. I think I may now have a legal
duty to inform Nicholas Sparks of a specific and entirely credible
threat on his life. Anyone have his email
address? Anyone? Anyone?
Hope you enjoy the issue.